A new edition!

Grayson Michael Holloway
Born April 9th 2012
7lbs 3oz & 20in

Oh how I have missed you!!!

Ahhhh...it feels so good to be blogging again!

I have so many things to tell you all!

First off I'm so happy to announce that we are expecting baby #2!!!

I couldn't be more excited!

Although I was so sick for the first 3 months!

I couldn't do anything but lay in bed and try to not vomit!!!

It was really bad! 

I'm almost 20 weeks now and I am feeling so much better!

I'm actually able to say I'm enjoying it!

So...
 As soon as I was feeling better my laptop took a crap and my sister went into labor!

It was and has been a living nightmare!

I want to share her story in hopes that anyone who has or may go through the same thing can be given hope! Here is her story...

I received a phone call at around 4:00 in the am and I heard those beautiful words..."are you ready to have a baby"...I was so excited! Her water had broke! I was getting ready and called her to see when they would be leaving but when I called I could hear the fear in her voice..."I cant talk I'm bleeding we are leaving now"...I was so scared! I threw on some clothes and headed to the hospital. I met my mom in the parking lot and we went in. When we got to the room she was doing good. They assured her it was her "bloody show". She was given an epidural right away and started pitocin soon after. She continued to bleed for a couple of hours. The epidural wasn't working and she was starting to feel stronger contractions. The doctor came in to check her and she was at a 4 and 70% effaced but the baby was still very high. He wasn't concerned about the bleeding so she continued to labor for about 6 more hours. It was hell having to see my sister in so much pain! They kept trying to give more of the epidural but nothing was working. They checked her again and she was making no progress. About 30 min later she was feeling a lot of pressure and so they checked her again and she had gone from a 4 to an 8!!! We were all so excited! She was still only 70% and baby had came down a little but was facing up! They called in another nurse that is really good with manipulations and they tried for about 2 hours to turn the baby! My sister was in so much pain and was feeling dizzy and faint! She was totally out of it! She couldn't hold her eyes open and just kept saying she didn't want to die! I wanted to take it all away for her! I would have traded places with her if I could have!!! She was still bleeding...The nurse finally told her it was time for an emergency c-section! They paged the doctor and we waited...and waited...and waited. They couldn't get a hold of him for 2 hours!!! It was by far the worst two hours of all of our lives!!! They were prepping her and made sure that when they finally got a hold of him she was ready! When he finally called back he was still 30 min away from the hospital...when he got there they rushed her out...she was screaming and holding her belly saying something isn't right!!! I cried and cried! When it was all finally over we went back to see her in recovery and she was out of it! They had to put her out because the doctor started cutting her and she wasn't numb yet! She could feel everything! The anesthesiologist told the doctor to wait but he said it was too late he already started so they had to put her out! I cant even imagine how scary! That's your worst fear when thinking of a c-section...what if I'm not numb and I feel everything! My poor sister had to live that nightmare! While she was in recovery the doctor from the NICU came in and told us that the baby was being transferred to another hospital by ambulance in 30 min. Her placenta had detached itself and that's why there was so much blood but also the babies oxygen was compromised. They were afraid that there might be brain damage...The next 3 weeks turned out to be just as terrible as the labor...My sister was given a blood transfusion and the baby was undergoing a cooling treatment. They cool the babies core body temperature to 94 degrees for 3 days and then slowly bring it back to normal over a 6 hour period. This is to decrease any brain damage that might take place! 

Our little Liam was in the NICU for 3 weeks! It was a roller coaster ride! Good days and bad days...

I'm happy to say that he is doing good and is now home with mom and dad and his big brother! 

Its going to be a long  road ahead. 

They cant give a clear answer as to how much damage if any but they do know that if there is any damage it could be as sever as cerebral palsy to nothing at all!

This all could possibly been avoided if the hospital and doctor would have been prompt!

A lot of times I think they get into a routine of how things typically go and don't look at the patients as  individuals.

If you ever have bleeding during any point in your pregnancy even at the end...demand an ultrasound!!!

If you feel uncomfortable with a doctor or nurse let someone know!!!

Its your body and your baby!

I truly believe that mothers know when something is not right!
Listen to your gut!!! 

Everyone that has prayed and is continuing to pray for my sister and her family...
Thank you,
they have been the most important part of Liam being home and healthy!!!
I will continue to update on his progress and will add pictures soon!
He is the most adorable little guy and I couldn't be a more proud Auntie!

Winner Winner!!!!

I'm so happy to announce the winner of the Stonewash & Bloom giveaway!

Drum roll please...

#8

Prov3130grl

Congrats and I hope you enjoy using your shop credit for something lovely!!!

( the winner was chosen by random.org )

Thank you so much to everyone who entered!!!

Not a winner...don't worry!

A new giveaway is coming soon!!!

Favorite Finds Friday!

I'm loving all the fall jewelry items I'm seeing on etsy!

Here's a few lovelies for you to awe over!

I know I am!!!

source

source

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Giveaway!!!

Our amazing sponsor Stonewash & Bloom is giving one lucky follower a chance to win a

$15 dollar shop credit!!!

Isn't that awesome?

Her shop is filled with some beautiful lovelies too!!!

 Like this little baby...I'm love love loving this headband!

So sweet!!!

So here's what you need to do to enter

Be a public follower of My Life By Hand

and

for additional entries

Become a public follower of Stonewash & Bloom

Follow Stonewash & Bloom on Facebook

Follow Life By Hand on Facebook

 That's 4 chances to win!!!
Please leave seprate comments for each entry.

Good Luck and I'm so excited to see who wins!!!
This giveaway will close on Sunday August 14th at midnight and the winner will be annouced Monday.

Here is a little sneak peek at the kind of lovelies she will be adding to her shop the beginning of this week also!!!

So cute for the fall!!! Love it!!!

Letting Go...

So often I am asking myself...

Is this the life you dreamed of living?
Is this where you want to be?
If you died today would you be happy with the life you have lead so far?

The truth is...this is not at all the life I thought I would have!

Never in a million years would I have seen myself living this life!

As a teenager I had so many dreams of leaving this small town and moving far away to a big city and working in a big office doing something with fashion...writing... designing... doing makeup for runway models.

  All while living in a loft with a boyfriend who I would never marry

( because I always thought I would lose interest in a husband )

and a dog or cat that would act as my child!

This was the kind of life I thought I would have.

Instead my life is here in this small town where I have spent most all my life...
in a house with a husband and real life child!

Don't get me wrong I would never change the way it turned out but there are times I really wonder if those dreams I had should have been fought for harder or if there is a way to still achieve those dreams in a different way...

 Here's the thing...

I have anxiety!

Very bad anxiety that comes with panic attacks.

 I had my first panic attack in high school.

I was in class and all the sudden this overwhelming feeling came over me that something bad was going to happen...

Like I was going to faint or lose control.

I had to get out!
I flew to the door gasping for air!
It was the only thing I could do!

 Get out!

I was outside the door of the classroom and I broke down in tears.
The teacher came out and sent me to the nurses office!

The next day I was so nervous it was going to happen again that it did!

This went on for a while until finally I couldn't go to any classes and I had to be home schooled!

I missed a lot of the high school experiences because of my anxiety and missed out on a lot of things that potentially could have changed the direction of my life. 

Since then I have had anxiety and panic attacks all throughout my life...

at times its worse than others!

About 4 years ago I was supposed to go on a cruise with my now husband and his family for his dads 50th birthday
( I had been having bouts of anxiety here and there for about a month prior )

It was 10 minutes before we were supposed to leave for the airport and I freaked out!

I couldn't go!

I couldn't get myself to get in the car and go!

I had a full blown panic attack and was losing my mind!

My husband was so upset and didn't really know what to do.
I told him to just go and he did.

I thought for sure this was it for us!

I thought he would call me and ask me to be gone by the time he got back from the trip.
I mean really who would want to be with someone like me, a freak is what I thought I was.

I later found out he was going to propose to me on the trip.

While he was gone my dad took me to a place called The Behavioral Medical Center.

The place where the crazy people go ( or so I thought ).

Its a facility where they take people with mental health issues...eating disorders...alcohol and drug additions to people who are schizophrenic.

I was so scared to go but I felt like I had no other choice!

 I was loosing control over my life!

 I have to say it was the best two months of my life!

I met some of the most amazing people!

People who were braver than I ever knew someone could be!

People who had been to the depths of hell and back more than a few times!

Friends!

I met friends!

The best kind of friends!

The ones who saw me for me! Who loved me unconditionally! Who understood what I was going through because they were there themselves!

 Friends who saw me at my worst and stood next to me holding my hand when they themselves needed a hand to hold!

 When I was done with my treatment I was so scared to leave!

It was an outpatient program so I went home every day, but to know that I would be without them on a daily basis was so scary!

I took what I learned about myself and about my disorder and I left!

I haven't had a panic attack that I couldn't handle within a few minutes since I have been there!

I'm so thankful for that place and for the people that supported me while I was going through that time!

I'm so happy my husband didn't leave me and that he loved me enough to help me through it and loved me enough to want to spend his life with me knowing that he would have to deal with this forever!

So that's my story...

 But what I was getting at before in the beginning of this post is that my anxiety has forced me to have to put some of the dreams I once had away and to make new dreams.

Since I started this blog I have struggled to come out of my blogging shell I guess you could say!
I haven't found the me in my blogging...
mostly because I'm afraid.
I'm afraid of what people will think and say and I'm afraid of doing something and actually enjoying it or being good at it because right now this is my dream and don't want to lose it!
 So I'm saying to hell with my anxiety!
This blog is me!
Its who I am and I'm going for it!
Take it or leave it!...
I'm hoping you take it!
 Too many times we let things in our life define who we are and there comes a time when we have to stop letting it take control.
For me that's right now!!!

Sick and Tired of Being Sick and Tired!!!

I haven't posted in a while because I have been sick for almost 2 weeks now!

I'm past the..I'm sick of being sick to the...I don't even know what it is now!!!

I woke up yesterday and felt like I got clocked in my left eye!!!

Its been more than delightful!

Anyway...

I decided that instead of sulking in my sickness I may as well do something!

I mean I either feel sick while doing something productive or feel sick while laying in bed right?

Right...

So you can expect some posts coming your way from this gal very very soon!!!